parenting

I Removed My Kids Pictures from The Internet

Back in 2012 when my first daughter was born, I couldn’t help but share photos of her online. At the time, I used Facebook and Instagram as my main sites for social networking. They were both set on private settings which meant that only people I allowed to see my pictures would see it. I was still apprehensive about posting the pictures but almost all of my family lives on another continent so it was the only way for them to see her.

By the time my second child came around, I grew even more skeptical about posting my kids’ pics online. I started to limit the number of photos I posted as well as not post so frequently. When it comes to my kids I am very protective and a little anal to be honest, and I have since removed all of their photos from social media. Read more to find out why…

Lack of Privacy – Even the people you know personally don’t have respect for your pictures. Time and time again I specifically said don’t share my kids’ pics yet people were sharing them and using them as their profile pictures. How rude! I couldn’t imagine using someone else’s kid pictures. Another privacy concern is strange people viewing your children’s pics. No matter how much you try to keep your photos on lock down, it’s still on the world wide web, an infinite space with all sorts of people. Anything can be hacked, anything can be sent at the touch of a button. Now, I am in no way bashing anyone who shares pics of their beautiful kids but I’m left paranoid after some of the things I read.

Respect for my kids – I’ve always said that I would be mortified if my parents uploaded all of my childhood snapshots online for the world to see. Till date, I hide as much of my awkward childhood pics as I can. It’s just the way I am. One day I got to thinking what if my kids really have a problem with this later on? So I just don’t do it anymore. When my kids reach an age where they can make a sound decision if they want their pics online or not then I would be okay with sharing.

These are my main two concerns with putting my children’s pictures out there on a social platform. Do you feel the same or do you oppose? All comments are welcomed!

xo Kat

 

My Favorite “Me Time” Indulgences

Can you tell I’m not a summer person? Just kidding. I have been MIA for a while and with good reason. Uh oh! Here comes the vent! It’s honestly been overwhelming with the kids, work, house things, outings, errands ever since summer started. I forgot how hard it was having two kids create chaos all day as opposed to just having my toddler with me when my preschooler is in school. Insanity!

As a little hello to my new-ish subscribers and a salute to my fellow parent bloggers, here’s how I survive admidst the chaos.

Books! Books! Books!

I’m never not engaged in a book. As soon as I finish one, I begin another. No intervals. If you’ve read things on my blog from way back you’ll see how drowning myself in stories and book worlds helped me escape from a lot, deal with a lot and conquer a lot. It’s no different today than it was back then.

Creating my own stories

At this point you’re thinking I’m a real party animal, right? On a serious note, it’s something that always came naturally to me. Weaving my own stories and characters and it takes a lot of the stress off my back so to speak. It’s a positive activity that I enjoy doing with all my heart and it helps me wind down from a long tiring day just as much as reading.

Thrift-store Book Hunting

Oh, that wasn’t a different thing than reading? I enjoy finding gems for a buck a piece. I feel like I hit buried treasure when I see hard backs in pristine condition and I almost feel guilty for paying so cheap for them.

TV Junkie

I don’t watch TV daily, a few episodes a week if anything but I do love to get caught up and engrossed in a good long running series. Few of my favs are Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Vikings, Supernatural. What are some of yours?

Treat Myself to Something Extra

Whoever says money can’t buy happiness didn’t fully think that through. (Again just kidding.) It might seem trivial to some but a lot of parents would agree with me on this. We sometimes enjoy a nice fancy dinner or sometimes just splurging on a favorite make up product does the trick.

Planning

This seriously is one of my favorite things to do. I’m always planning things, from outings to redecorating to enhancing my own life. I am still a work in progress and I dedicate a lot of my spare time to working towards many goals. It might sound like a task but I feel proud when I accomplish something.

It’s not selfish to take a time out for yourself even though you feel guilty for doing it. The key to holding everything together is to take care of you first. Leave me a comment and let me know what are your favorite indulgences.

xo Kat

What My Second Kid Taught Me About Parenting

After the birth of my second child almost two years ago, I have been feeling more incompetent that ever but I’m not beating myself up over it because I know I’m outnumbered. I don’t have help with my children so they are with me all the time and it’s tough. My husband is in the picture but he works long hours and whenever he takes them off my hands, I still have other things to catch up on…like the tons of laundry that I often wish to discard.

The first thing I’ve learned as a parent the second time around is that no two children are the same. How naive of me to believe the second one would be carved out of the same stone as the first. I noticed from birth actually that she’d be a little tornado walking around, pulling things down, creating chaos as she goes. But she loves us equally as hard as my first and for that, I’ll let the broken candle holders slide.

Some of the things that you might be faced with as a second time parent are explained below.

Sleeping Pattern. My first child slept through the night around three months. My second will be two and although it has toned down a bit, she still wakes up during the night a few times a week. One is a late sleeper and can you guess which one wakes at the crack of dawn…at the sound of any kind of movement?

Different milestone pace. I’m not speaking on behalf of everyone but most people I’ve talked to had this to say. The first child took their time when it came to thrashing your house and your belongings. I could’ve left anything out unattended…a cup of coffee, important papers and I’d meet it in the same place when I get back. However, I can’t afford this  kind of trust with my second. Children also develop at different paces. My first was advanced with speech but way behind in walking and running whereas my second is the exact opposite. It’s important not to compare and feel as if something is wrong. Everyone is just wired differently, even kids.

Less Baby Paraphernalia and Toys. When preparing for your first child you watch every video, read every article and download every baby app. All of that makes you want to purchase everything baby related in case they might need it or you believe they might need it. Well I’m here to tell you that babies really don’t need that much stuff. Newborn things are expensive and they basically grow out of it by the time they can crawl. So for your second child, you don’t buy as much stuff and if you’re like me…you let them wear their siblings hand me downs and pass on toys.

Outnumbered. When you’re outnumbered, it feels like going from one kid  to two kids is more like going to ten kids. That’s how it was for me honestly. This is not a scare tactic but let me state some truths here. You’ll be pulled in two different directions while trying to balance everything else in life. I’d be lying if I said it was easy peasy lemon squeezy. Some mothers do their jobs flawless and although I believe myself to be a very nurturing and caring mother…a little cool at times, I am very sloppy. I get overwhelmed and if you came over to my place, you’d see a chair full of not so dirty/not so clean clothes. Yes! Those clothes that are not dirty enough for laundry but clean enough to wear again.

Defeat. I often feel defeated trying to juggle everything together…the kids, and my own life, and goals that I am still working to achieve. No one said it was easy and I don’t expect an easy route but boy is it tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Children, whether it be one or more is a full time job and it’s one that needs to be done willfully and skillfully, sprinkled with love. I feel inadequate as a wife and stay at home mom when I see my tired husband cleaning our filthy living room. Some days I cry wishing I could do better to manage everything on my own.

In spite of everything us parents deal with on a daily basis, our love for our little brats go deeper and deeper. They’re our pride, our joy and our reason for waking up in the morning and doing what needs to be done. My second child taught me that parenting on a whole is very challenging, not that it wasn’t before but now there are two children with different personalities and needs. Some thing I’ve learned along the way is that we don’t always need to have everything planned and figured out. We’re learning as we go. Our job is to be the best we can be for them and trust me when I say that it’s enough.

xo Coffee Doll.

Have a great weekend guys! What are you doing this weekend?

I shop cheap for my kids: Here’s the why & where

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Not that I’m crapping on anyone’s parade but sometimes when I see wee little babies/kids wearing a high-end brand name shirt I inwardly cringe. Apart from them outgrowing clothes, they’re pretty much rough with it. My kids change clothes about four or five times a day. There’s always food stains, art stains and dirt marks from playing outside. Now I’m not against investing in a nice outfit for a picture or to go somewhere nice but my goodness! I cannot purchase expensive things for my children. Can you? I know every kid is different, some are tidier than some. My older one is on the careful side but she too runs her clothing and shoes into the ground.

All of our shoes are dirty. As much as I try to get them different shoes for playing/going out somewhere nice, it’ll end up the same…battered and filthy. Quality of clothing is definitely a concern when you want the longevity of an item. But children’s clothes are expensive as it is, cheaper quality or not. Personally I love to shop where I can sign up for e-mail coupons or buy one get one free.

I’d like to share some of the places that I shop at for basic, everyday clothing, mostly worn at the park or at home. I do get cute outfits at these stores as well.

Note: This is not a sponsored post.

  1. Target – Yes I am a Target mom and I love all things Target. They often have sales for children’s clothing/shoes and they have an app called Cartwheel which has additional coupons that you can scan at the checkout. Target has really inexpensive shirts and leggings for kids that they can run down at the park or at home.
  2. Carters – Although I feel like Carters could have a cuter variety, they do have a lot of sales and send coupons so it works out. Their clothing lasts a long time considering I wash my kids clothing a lot. They also have really cute and affordable footwear, great quality.
  3. H&M
  4. The Children’s Place – I’m not totally fond of the quality of the shirts at Children’s Place but they do have cuter items than a lot of other stores for children. They have very affordable dresses and accessories as well. I recently bought my kids jeans from here and the quality is nice. I especially loved the variety. I was able to get the super skinny jean here for my kids.(No it doesn’t fit them tight. Their legs are longer than girth)
  5. Old Navy – I don’t really shop at Old Navy for my kids but they are similar to Carters in the sense that they have a lot of sales.
  6. JC Penney, Sears, Kohls – The quality at these stores are on the better side, not to mention great quality brand name shoes like Nike, New Balance etc. If you shop smart, you can get items at great prices.

Those are the main stores that I shop at for my kids(and myself). To me it makes no sense to get my children’s entire wardrobe from high ends stores. Where do you shop for your kids? I’d love to hear!

xo Coffee Doll

Ice Cream for Breakfast?

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Do you ever stop to remember the exact moment that your little rascals developed an insanely ridiculous sweet tooth? Now I’m not talking about a little treat here and there, I’m talking about how they attempt to bully me into giving them chips, oreos and ice-cream for breakfast. It doesn’t work, however. As much as I’d like to say, “Here’s your damn ice-cream, now let me finish my cup of coffee for once before it gets cold,” I don’t. I try to stick to my guns but the rascals outnumber me, and they try to break me early o’ clock.

Breakfast at our house would normally consist of some grain and a side of fruit, one of the only meals that they’d eat without me begging them to but lately it’s been getting crazy. My younger one, a toddler is the better eater and even she thinks chips are a breakfast option. Someone looking in from the outside would think my kids are like this because I’ve spoiled them or given them bad habits early on but this is so not the case. This is one of the instances where you children will defy your parenting no matter what you say or do, no matter what tactic and disciplinary action you take.

I just want to say to all the parents who struggle with their kids’ defiance and have no idea where it comes from, don’t blame yourself. The first thing I do whenever this happens if try to figure out if I did something to trigger this behavior or maybe I was too neglectful at some point. I really beat myself up when my four year old exercises her dominance over everyone basically. I deeply feel like it’s something she picked up from me or my husband, maybe it’s an attitude we have or maybe it’s something we said. While I’m trying to figure out the best parenting tactics to combat her newfound behaviors, I’ve observed two things. When your kids start school they pick up new behaviors and attitudes, they say things you have never said in front of them. And the second is that younger kids mimic their older siblings every chance they get. Truth to be told, you need to teach kids to not be little sh*ts but they learn to be little sh*ts all on there own.

So if you’re really beating yourself up over all of this, please don’t. You’re doing the best you can and some things are just inevitable when it comes to children. Our role is to guide our children to becoming the best human they can be, a mixture of compassion, empathy, strength, kindness, determination and diligence.

Have a great weekend folks! xo Coffee Doll

Having Your Kids Close In Age

Let me just start by saying I am in no way qualified to advise anyone on how to plan their lives. Whatever I post on my blog is either taken from experiences or my bottomless brain. In no shape or form is my opinion meant to disrespect anyone.

Now that we’ve got that covered…

This morning I saw a post somewhere on social media(I choose not to name or specify) about reasons to have your kids close in age and it was of a sarcastic and entertaining nature albeit some truth bombs were dropped. I’ve been planning to write about the downside of having kids close in age and by downside I don’t mean anything bad towards our little ones. It’s just overwhelming for people in different situations. This post is focused on the plus side of having kids close in age.

  1. They play together. I think this is the one we all look forward too. We want to get some things around the house done or cook a meal, even drink a cup of coffee in peace. When they enjoy each other’s company, you can get a minute or two to function elsewhere. It’s also a beautiful thing for me to experience because the age gaps between me and my siblings are a decade plus. Although my kids get into little fights over this or that I truly see and enjoy the camaraderie between them.
  2. They go to school together. When they are around the same age bracket eventually everyone will be in school within a few years of each other. If you plan on going back to work after all of your children are in school this might be easier than having to take leave from your job during the larger age gaps.
  3. They enjoy similar things. Both my kids think Chuck-e-Cheese is the greatest place on Earth (It’s really Target btw) and I’ve often felt like we hit two birds with one stone going there. Both kids have the time of their lives. I remember being dragged somewhere that wasn’t interesting to me when I was younger and I do feel like it’s something that’ll probably drive me crazy having to choose which kid to please on a particular day.
  4. I want to date my husband. My husband and I are the only caretakers that our children have and because of this, it’s hard to go on a date or get some alone time. I do feel like when the kids grow up together, we’ll eventually be able to do couple things again without having to worry about a younger child at home.
  5. I want to get rid of the baby stuff. After I had my first child, I knew right away I wanted another one, it was just a matter of time. After the second one, however, I didn’t feel the same. I knew that I was done having kids for the most part. My youngest is just shy of two and I cannot wait for her to be potty trained, I cannot wait to get rid of the last set of baby toys, items and clothes. One thing I had to do after the first baby was clutter my life to hold onto things that I’d have to use with a second child.

As always, thank you for reading and if you share any thoughts on the topic, feel free to drop me a line in the comments. Also, Have a great weekend 🙂

xo Coffee Doll

Pros and Cons of Being A Stay-at-Home Mom

Motherhood is one of the most rewarding jobs you’ll ever have, however, like with any job, it can be overwhelming and downright frustrating. As I was writing how to be a productive SAHM, I made a mental list of the pros and cons of being a SAHM and felt like it deserved its own post. Some points play the role of both a pro and a con.

PROS

  1. The best thing about being a SAHM is getting to be with your kids all day, getting to witness everything that they do and learn on a daily basis.
  2. You’ll be present for all of their growing moments, first words, first steps,  and there is nothing greater than witnessing your child hit milestones for the first time.
  3. If your child falls sick, you’ll be there and not at work which may be hard to get out of.
  4. You can focus on a routine for your children and house, and get things done in an orderly manner compared to the stresses of working and coming home to tired and cranky children.
  5. You’re the sole caregiver for your child.
  6. It’s cheaper for most women to become stay-at-home moms as it is very costly for childcare and work hours are very demanding.
  7. You’re in control of how your activities and days are planned. You won’t have to worry about being called into work and having to organize a last minute babysitter.
  8. You get to teach your children and guide them in a way that you see fit and it’ll be consistent as kids can get confused with different rules.
  9. There’s no one looking over your shoulder telling you what to do or how to do it. You’re your own boss.

CONS

  1. You’re never alone. You can’t use the bathroom without an audience and sometimes you have to skip a shower and swallow your meals.
  2. You almost never get “me time” to do anything for yourself and if you’re like me, you don’t have girls night out either.
  3. Your job never ends. You’re working 24/7 and you’re exhausted most of the time.
  4. You tend to get bored and frustrated living the same routine day after day.
  5. When your social life ceases to exist after motherhood, it’s really awkward and difficult to make friends. You WILL miss engaging in social activities and having adult conversations that don’t involve kids.
  6. When they start fighting, misbehaving and talking back to you, you’ll want to rip your hair out. You’ll be stressed beyond belief.
  7. Living on one income is not an easy thing to manage and you may often feel like a failure, like your life is not reaching anywhere.
  8. It’s been almost five years since I’ve worked outside of my home and it literally feels like forever. I feel like the unemployment gap only worsens your chances of getting back out there, however I hope I’m wrong.

One suggestion that I always make in my SAHM posts is to get a hobby, whether it be joining a gym, writing, painting etc. When you have something to call your own, apart from your family life, it’s a way to cope when the going gets tough. I love to wind down by day by reading just before I sleep. It’s a relaxing way to calm your thoughts before bedtime. That’s just what works for me. If you have girlfriends, organize outings or activities that are not kid related. Even though both things are closely related, in order to be a happy mom, there needs to be a balance between caring for your family and caring for yourself.

xo Coffee Doll

Signs You’re Probably Done Having Kids

baby-sitter-1140872_1920.jpgBeing a parent is one of the most rewarding things in life and even though we may unconditionally love and provide the best for our children it can get overwhelming. And sometimes you just know in your heart that you are happy with the size of your family and you don’t feel the need to expand.

When you know, you just know.

No baby fever. This I think is the main one. After having my first baby, I knew right off the bat that I wanted another one and I didn’t want there to be a wide age gap between them. Each and every pregnancy story and baby story were attractive to my ears. When my oldest hit eighteen months, I was very emotional. I missed the baby stage, being able to do each and everything for her. I really wanted her to stay a baby forever. Whenever I passed a baby on the street or in a store, my heart would just melt at its littleness. My second will hit the eighteen month mark in two weeks and I have experienced no such thing as baby fever and there’s a slim chance that I will.

Can’t wait for them to be potty trained. I am so tired of cleaning dirty diapers. You’d think after four years and two children, I won’t mind a bit of poop but I do. I really can’t wait for everyone to be potty trained at both day and night as well as clean up after themselves. And I am just so over diapers. Did I mention how much they cost?

Cringing at the mere thought of being pregnant. Nope, I can’t even fathom it. It makes me nervous to think of my body going through another pregnancy…and delivery.

Serious about prevention. When you’re serious and a little anal about contraceptives, perhaps you’re done. Some people will even go for sterilization.

So over baby decor and equipment. I’d really like to get rid of all the nauseating pink stuff, baby swings, high chairs. Just counting down the time until the second one doesn’t need anything like this is another way I knew I was just over having a newborn.

Over-spending on baby paraphernalia. If your kids are anything like mine, they need spill proof cups. I can’t even begin to tell you how many different brands of sippy cups passed through our house and the quantities of it. They get lost and they get yucky so I like to change them out and it’s very annoying.

Can’t wait for school. I actually feel a little guilty about this one. I thought I’d cry and get emotional when my oldest started preschool and I honestly did get emotional when we were shopping for uniforms but when school started, I was dreaming of the second child starting school. It’s not that I don’t like my kids’ company but they do receive a better mental stimulation and social interaction at school.

Tired of the clutter. Nothing can ever stay in its true space. I’m always stepping on a crayon, sitting on a doll. My floor barely has space to walk at times.

Zero patience. When you feel like you’re about to lose your cool a lot…yeah it’s probably best you don’t add another kid to the mix.

xo Coffee Doll

Image: pixabay.com

 

 

Raising Your Brats

When I was a new parent I would look at a lot of videos and do a lot of research into being the “perfect” parent. When you’re becoming a parent for the first time, people all around you will have something to share whether you want to hear it or not. After having kids, every parent thinks they’re an expert. As a new parent you will be very confused and feel incompetent mostly. Being responsible for another human, shaping the way they speak and think in the initial years is frightening. For the first two weeks of my first daughter’s life I was really worried. I felt like a failure. Here I am holding this perfect baby, I myself am not perfect so how am I supposed to raise her right?

Let me blatantly tell you from upfront…every child is different. Whatever works for someone else’s child may not work for yours. Their eating habits will be different, interests in activities will be different as well as disciplinary methods. You should enter parenting without taking others too seriously, take what they’re saying with a grain of salt. If you focus on them and their children too much, you may end up thinking there is something wrong with your child by the way she or he is responding to things. I myself am a victim of that. My first daughter walked at 18 months, she was simply just scared of falling down. Many people made me think it was my fault, maybe I didn’t do something I was supposed to, maybe something is wrong with my delayed child. 

The key is understanding your children and accepting their diverse personalities. My daughter started coming into her own at around two years old, not eating, wanting too much cartoons or candy etc. She is a few weeks shy of three and has been very challenging these past few months. I am always reinventing ways and methods to deal with her carefully. Parenting in my childhood was like a dictatorship and I would not like to repeat that with my children. Comparing your children to other people’s children is a recipe for disaster. I can speak from experience. Way into adulthood, married with two children and I still have issues with not being good enough in my parents’ eyes. 

Below I will share and discuss some things that I have observed or found helpful in being a parent.

Setting an example for your children. I think this is one of the first things that shapes children. They mimic everything we do, the way we hold a spoon, they way we speak, our manners, the way we do our hair etc. This means that they will also mimic the negative behaviors around them. They are always listening and paying attention. You may think they’re too young and don’t know what’s going on but they do and one day, they might surprise you with that negativity in public.

Knowing Your Child.  Like I was saying above, each child is different and responds to things differently. Some may be faster or slower, it is important not to compare. You will only find things wrong with your child. They are just like us, each with a different personality and mindset. Understand your child’s personality and what his or her interests are and encourage them to excel at it. For example, my daughter likes pretend play and building things. While I hate my house looking like a toy store, it’s better to encourage her interests and creativity than forcing something else on her. She is happy, I am happy. 

Too Much Affection.  Is there something as too much of this??? I don’t think so. Some people get confused between giving a child too much love and turning them into a spoiled brat. You create a brat by letting them feel like they are always entitled to their own way and having or doing whatever they want. You child needs as much affection as possible.

Getting Involved. A lot of us are just great providers for our children and that is not equivalent to great parenting. Children need attention from their parents. My daughter is constantly doing things to gain my approval and if she is ignored, her faces drops so low. They like when we express our appreciation. They need to know we are proud of them and we need to show it. The day you become a parent, you have to work your priorities around your child. Be there both physically and mentally.

Give them independence. No, I’m not going crazy. I know there is a limit to how much freedom we should give small children but you have to let them participate in their own lives. Children get tired and frustrated of always hearing no, no, no. Let them decide what they will wear today, or what they prefer for breakfast. Now you get where this is going? They also want to be independent but we as adults accuse them of being rebellious or disobedient. They aren’t always easy to parent but if you pay attention and listen to them, you may understand more than you thought you understood.

Be Consistent with Rules. This is an important one and it had blown up in my face one or two times. I have always believed and will stand my ground when I say children need routines, consistency and rules. My husband and I are the only two people that raise and discipline my daughter. Sometimes I would set down a rule and he will allow her to bend it…I can’t begin to explain how chaotic life feels at that point. I am saying one thing and she is throwing a tantrum because he said something else. What we found worked better was when we both stuck to the same rules and not give in. When she sees we mean business, there is no tantrums to throw because she knows she can’t tantrum her way out of this.

Explaining Rules. As much as rules are awesome, children won’t follow unless they have some sort of understanding of why they are doing what they are doing. Explain to them why they are being punished or why they need to eat veggies. Right now I’m having a hard time at bath time. I explain we need to take showers to get rid of germs so we won’t get sick, or we need to eat so we can grow strong and tall. It doesn’t have to be rocket science.

Adapt parenting to fit your child. As I was saying before, each child is different react differently to things. Understand how to deal with your kid, simple. For instance, time out does not work for us, that will just result in a tantrum and we would waste a day going back and forth in the corner. I just take away some privileges like cartoons or painting. If she wants to do these things, then she has to behave or listen. That may not work for each child, personalize your own parenting.

Treat Them With Respect.  We often forget that our children are humans and they have the same feelings as us. Sometimes we may want to snap at them thinking “Ohhh they’ll get over it.” They do remember. I am human, I snap on impulse. It should not be beneath you to apologize to your child. Respect them, speak to them politely, tell them thank you or good job.

It Matters To Them. Recently I butt heads with my parents about this. My daughter likes to take all her toys and line them up on the couch. It seems senseless to many parents, these random things. My parents thought my daughter was just making a mess all over. But if you pay attention to what she is saying, it makes perfect sense why the toys are lined up they way they are. She took her time and did it neatly. It makes perfect sense to her that her stuffed animal is wearing a diaper and a jacket. These random things don’t hurt anyone at the end of day, you can let it slide.

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert and whatever I said here may not make sense to you. These are just observations and things I have learnt from parenting my own daughter.

Good Luck 🙂



Kids or No Kids?

People with kids love to convince other people what joy kids will bring into their lives, how they shouldn’t wait or how rewarding it is to become a parent. People without kids think otherwise. They view kids as noisy little puke machines that will ruin their freedom/happiness. The truth is, there is no wrong or right way when it comes to deciding kids or no kids. To put it simply, parenting is not for everyone.

It should definitely be a choice and not something forced onto an individual. Everyone leads different lifestyles which may not be accommodating for a kid. And that’s fine. But with kids come change. A person must be willing mentally for this change. Kids need a lot of love and attention, however diapers don’t buy themselves. There are many factors to consider when having a kid. Factors that may make you want to wait or factors that will let you know if it’s not the right thing for you. 

I am married with a kid but if someone asked me five years ago if I wanted kids, I would’ve said a big fat NO! It’s not that I hated kids, i love hanging out with little people but parenting a a whole different ballgame. Deciding not to give birth, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or kid hater. Don’t let silly comments make you feel wrong and pressured into having kids. Same goes for people who want to conceive. I’ve recently seen a facebook post basically saying you can’t travel the world if you have kids. A lot of posts from working people have been popping up in recent times, putting down stay at home mothers, putting down people who choose to be married and start a family. Well to all the so-called Hugh Hefners out there, your mother should’ve decided to travel the world instead of giving birth to an asshole. 

Coming back to those factors now, my life partner(husband) had a huge role in me wanting kids. I think a person goes through different stages in life. I know I have experienced such. And it’s not about changing, it’s more like evolving. A certain period you may want to have kids, then another you may not want, then another you’ll change again. The chemistry with my husband conceived the idea but it’s much more than that. Mentally preparing, physically preparing, financially preparing. You have to be willing to put another human being’s wants and needs before your own. For the next 18 plus years, you will be owned by your child. If you see parenting as a sacrifice, then maybe you have no business being a parent. Sorry to put it like that but it’s the ugly truth.

I try real hard on some days to remember parts of my childhood when dealing with my daughter. I can remember things from my toddler years. Something adults forget is that kids aren’t stupid. They remember things, they feel things and it affects their lives. Neglect should not exist. Good luck!