parenting decisions

I Removed My Kids Pictures from The Internet

Back in 2012 when my first daughter was born, I couldn’t help but share photos of her online. At the time, I used Facebook and Instagram as my main sites for social networking. They were both set on private settings which meant that only people I allowed to see my pictures would see it. I was still apprehensive about posting the pictures but almost all of my family lives on another continent so it was the only way for them to see her.

By the time my second child came around, I grew even more skeptical about posting my kids’ pics online. I started to limit the number of photos I posted as well as not post so frequently. When it comes to my kids I am very protective and a little anal to be honest, and I have since removed all of their photos from social media. Read more to find out why…

Lack of Privacy – Even the people you know personally don’t have respect for your pictures. Time and time again I specifically said don’t share my kids’ pics yet people were sharing them and using them as their profile pictures. How rude! I couldn’t imagine using someone else’s kid pictures. Another privacy concern is strange people viewing your children’s pics. No matter how much you try to keep your photos on lock down, it’s still on the world wide web, an infinite space with all sorts of people. Anything can be hacked, anything can be sent at the touch of a button. Now, I am in no way bashing anyone who shares pics of their beautiful kids but I’m left paranoid after some of the things I read.

Respect for my kids – I’ve always said that I would be mortified if my parents uploaded all of my childhood snapshots online for the world to see. Till date, I hide as much of my awkward childhood pics as I can. It’s just the way I am. One day I got to thinking what if my kids really have a problem with this later on? So I just don’t do it anymore. When my kids reach an age where they can make a sound decision if they want their pics online or not then I would be okay with sharing.

These are my main two concerns with putting my children’s pictures out there on a social platform. Do you feel the same or do you oppose? All comments are welcomed!

xo Kat

 

Ice Cream for Breakfast?

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Do you ever stop to remember the exact moment that your little rascals developed an insanely ridiculous sweet tooth? Now I’m not talking about a little treat here and there, I’m talking about how they attempt to bully me into giving them chips, oreos and ice-cream for breakfast. It doesn’t work, however. As much as I’d like to say, “Here’s your damn ice-cream, now let me finish my cup of coffee for once before it gets cold,” I don’t. I try to stick to my guns but the rascals outnumber me, and they try to break me early o’ clock.

Breakfast at our house would normally consist of some grain and a side of fruit, one of the only meals that they’d eat without me begging them to but lately it’s been getting crazy. My younger one, a toddler is the better eater and even she thinks chips are a breakfast option. Someone looking in from the outside would think my kids are like this because I’ve spoiled them or given them bad habits early on but this is so not the case. This is one of the instances where you children will defy your parenting no matter what you say or do, no matter what tactic and disciplinary action you take.

I just want to say to all the parents who struggle with their kids’ defiance and have no idea where it comes from, don’t blame yourself. The first thing I do whenever this happens if try to figure out if I did something to trigger this behavior or maybe I was too neglectful at some point. I really beat myself up when my four year old exercises her dominance over everyone basically. I deeply feel like it’s something she picked up from me or my husband, maybe it’s an attitude we have or maybe it’s something we said. While I’m trying to figure out the best parenting tactics to combat her newfound behaviors, I’ve observed two things. When your kids start school they pick up new behaviors and attitudes, they say things you have never said in front of them. And the second is that younger kids mimic their older siblings every chance they get. Truth to be told, you need to teach kids to not be little sh*ts but they learn to be little sh*ts all on there own.

So if you’re really beating yourself up over all of this, please don’t. You’re doing the best you can and some things are just inevitable when it comes to children. Our role is to guide our children to becoming the best human they can be, a mixture of compassion, empathy, strength, kindness, determination and diligence.

Have a great weekend folks! xo Coffee Doll

Having Your Kids Close In Age

Let me just start by saying I am in no way qualified to advise anyone on how to plan their lives. Whatever I post on my blog is either taken from experiences or my bottomless brain. In no shape or form is my opinion meant to disrespect anyone.

Now that we’ve got that covered…

This morning I saw a post somewhere on social media(I choose not to name or specify) about reasons to have your kids close in age and it was of a sarcastic and entertaining nature albeit some truth bombs were dropped. I’ve been planning to write about the downside of having kids close in age and by downside I don’t mean anything bad towards our little ones. It’s just overwhelming for people in different situations. This post is focused on the plus side of having kids close in age.

  1. They play together. I think this is the one we all look forward too. We want to get some things around the house done or cook a meal, even drink a cup of coffee in peace. When they enjoy each other’s company, you can get a minute or two to function elsewhere. It’s also a beautiful thing for me to experience because the age gaps between me and my siblings are a decade plus. Although my kids get into little fights over this or that I truly see and enjoy the camaraderie between them.
  2. They go to school together. When they are around the same age bracket eventually everyone will be in school within a few years of each other. If you plan on going back to work after all of your children are in school this might be easier than having to take leave from your job during the larger age gaps.
  3. They enjoy similar things. Both my kids think Chuck-e-Cheese is the greatest place on Earth (It’s really Target btw) and I’ve often felt like we hit two birds with one stone going there. Both kids have the time of their lives. I remember being dragged somewhere that wasn’t interesting to me when I was younger and I do feel like it’s something that’ll probably drive me crazy having to choose which kid to please on a particular day.
  4. I want to date my husband. My husband and I are the only caretakers that our children have and because of this, it’s hard to go on a date or get some alone time. I do feel like when the kids grow up together, we’ll eventually be able to do couple things again without having to worry about a younger child at home.
  5. I want to get rid of the baby stuff. After I had my first child, I knew right away I wanted another one, it was just a matter of time. After the second one, however, I didn’t feel the same. I knew that I was done having kids for the most part. My youngest is just shy of two and I cannot wait for her to be potty trained, I cannot wait to get rid of the last set of baby toys, items and clothes. One thing I had to do after the first baby was clutter my life to hold onto things that I’d have to use with a second child.

As always, thank you for reading and if you share any thoughts on the topic, feel free to drop me a line in the comments. Also, Have a great weekend 🙂

xo Coffee Doll

Kids or No Kids?

People with kids love to convince other people what joy kids will bring into their lives, how they shouldn’t wait or how rewarding it is to become a parent. People without kids think otherwise. They view kids as noisy little puke machines that will ruin their freedom/happiness. The truth is, there is no wrong or right way when it comes to deciding kids or no kids. To put it simply, parenting is not for everyone.

It should definitely be a choice and not something forced onto an individual. Everyone leads different lifestyles which may not be accommodating for a kid. And that’s fine. But with kids come change. A person must be willing mentally for this change. Kids need a lot of love and attention, however diapers don’t buy themselves. There are many factors to consider when having a kid. Factors that may make you want to wait or factors that will let you know if it’s not the right thing for you. 

I am married with a kid but if someone asked me five years ago if I wanted kids, I would’ve said a big fat NO! It’s not that I hated kids, i love hanging out with little people but parenting a a whole different ballgame. Deciding not to give birth, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or kid hater. Don’t let silly comments make you feel wrong and pressured into having kids. Same goes for people who want to conceive. I’ve recently seen a facebook post basically saying you can’t travel the world if you have kids. A lot of posts from working people have been popping up in recent times, putting down stay at home mothers, putting down people who choose to be married and start a family. Well to all the so-called Hugh Hefners out there, your mother should’ve decided to travel the world instead of giving birth to an asshole. 

Coming back to those factors now, my life partner(husband) had a huge role in me wanting kids. I think a person goes through different stages in life. I know I have experienced such. And it’s not about changing, it’s more like evolving. A certain period you may want to have kids, then another you may not want, then another you’ll change again. The chemistry with my husband conceived the idea but it’s much more than that. Mentally preparing, physically preparing, financially preparing. You have to be willing to put another human being’s wants and needs before your own. For the next 18 plus years, you will be owned by your child. If you see parenting as a sacrifice, then maybe you have no business being a parent. Sorry to put it like that but it’s the ugly truth.

I try real hard on some days to remember parts of my childhood when dealing with my daughter. I can remember things from my toddler years. Something adults forget is that kids aren’t stupid. They remember things, they feel things and it affects their lives. Neglect should not exist. Good luck!