mom blogger

I Removed My Kids Pictures from The Internet

Back in 2012 when my first daughter was born, I couldn’t help but share photos of her online. At the time, I used Facebook and Instagram as my main sites for social networking. They were both set on private settings which meant that only people I allowed to see my pictures would see it. I was still apprehensive about posting the pictures but almost all of my family lives on another continent so it was the only way for them to see her.

By the time my second child came around, I grew even more skeptical about posting my kids’ pics online. I started to limit the number of photos I posted as well as not post so frequently. When it comes to my kids I am very protective and a little anal to be honest, and I have since removed all of their photos from social media. Read more to find out why…

Lack of Privacy – Even the people you know personally don’t have respect for your pictures. Time and time again I specifically said don’t share my kids’ pics yet people were sharing them and using them as their profile pictures. How rude! I couldn’t imagine using someone else’s kid pictures. Another privacy concern is strange people viewing your children’s pics. No matter how much you try to keep your photos on lock down, it’s still on the world wide web, an infinite space with all sorts of people. Anything can be hacked, anything can be sent at the touch of a button. Now, I am in no way bashing anyone who shares pics of their beautiful kids but I’m left paranoid after some of the things I read.

Respect for my kids – I’ve always said that I would be mortified if my parents uploaded all of my childhood snapshots online for the world to see. Till date, I hide as much of my awkward childhood pics as I can. It’s just the way I am. One day I got to thinking what if my kids really have a problem with this later on? So I just don’t do it anymore. When my kids reach an age where they can make a sound decision if they want their pics online or not then I would be okay with sharing.

These are my main two concerns with putting my children’s pictures out there on a social platform. Do you feel the same or do you oppose? All comments are welcomed!

xo Kat

 

My Favorite “Me Time” Indulgences

Can you tell I’m not a summer person? Just kidding. I have been MIA for a while and with good reason. Uh oh! Here comes the vent! It’s honestly been overwhelming with the kids, work, house things, outings, errands ever since summer started. I forgot how hard it was having two kids create chaos all day as opposed to just having my toddler with me when my preschooler is in school. Insanity!

As a little hello to my new-ish subscribers and a salute to my fellow parent bloggers, here’s how I survive admidst the chaos.

Books! Books! Books!

I’m never not engaged in a book. As soon as I finish one, I begin another. No intervals. If you’ve read things on my blog from way back you’ll see how drowning myself in stories and book worlds helped me escape from a lot, deal with a lot and conquer a lot. It’s no different today than it was back then.

Creating my own stories

At this point you’re thinking I’m a real party animal, right? On a serious note, it’s something that always came naturally to me. Weaving my own stories and characters and it takes a lot of the stress off my back so to speak. It’s a positive activity that I enjoy doing with all my heart and it helps me wind down from a long tiring day just as much as reading.

Thrift-store Book Hunting

Oh, that wasn’t a different thing than reading? I enjoy finding gems for a buck a piece. I feel like I hit buried treasure when I see hard backs in pristine condition and I almost feel guilty for paying so cheap for them.

TV Junkie

I don’t watch TV daily, a few episodes a week if anything but I do love to get caught up and engrossed in a good long running series. Few of my favs are Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Vikings, Supernatural. What are some of yours?

Treat Myself to Something Extra

Whoever says money can’t buy happiness didn’t fully think that through. (Again just kidding.) It might seem trivial to some but a lot of parents would agree with me on this. We sometimes enjoy a nice fancy dinner or sometimes just splurging on a favorite make up product does the trick.

Planning

This seriously is one of my favorite things to do. I’m always planning things, from outings to redecorating to enhancing my own life. I am still a work in progress and I dedicate a lot of my spare time to working towards many goals. It might sound like a task but I feel proud when I accomplish something.

It’s not selfish to take a time out for yourself even though you feel guilty for doing it. The key to holding everything together is to take care of you first. Leave me a comment and let me know what are your favorite indulgences.

xo Kat

What My Second Kid Taught Me About Parenting

After the birth of my second child almost two years ago, I have been feeling more incompetent that ever but I’m not beating myself up over it because I know I’m outnumbered. I don’t have help with my children so they are with me all the time and it’s tough. My husband is in the picture but he works long hours and whenever he takes them off my hands, I still have other things to catch up on…like the tons of laundry that I often wish to discard.

The first thing I’ve learned as a parent the second time around is that no two children are the same. How naive of me to believe the second one would be carved out of the same stone as the first. I noticed from birth actually that she’d be a little tornado walking around, pulling things down, creating chaos as she goes. But she loves us equally as hard as my first and for that, I’ll let the broken candle holders slide.

Some of the things that you might be faced with as a second time parent are explained below.

Sleeping Pattern. My first child slept through the night around three months. My second will be two and although it has toned down a bit, she still wakes up during the night a few times a week. One is a late sleeper and can you guess which one wakes at the crack of dawn…at the sound of any kind of movement?

Different milestone pace. I’m not speaking on behalf of everyone but most people I’ve talked to had this to say. The first child took their time when it came to thrashing your house and your belongings. I could’ve left anything out unattended…a cup of coffee, important papers and I’d meet it in the same place when I get back. However, I can’t afford this  kind of trust with my second. Children also develop at different paces. My first was advanced with speech but way behind in walking and running whereas my second is the exact opposite. It’s important not to compare and feel as if something is wrong. Everyone is just wired differently, even kids.

Less Baby Paraphernalia and Toys. When preparing for your first child you watch every video, read every article and download every baby app. All of that makes you want to purchase everything baby related in case they might need it or you believe they might need it. Well I’m here to tell you that babies really don’t need that much stuff. Newborn things are expensive and they basically grow out of it by the time they can crawl. So for your second child, you don’t buy as much stuff and if you’re like me…you let them wear their siblings hand me downs and pass on toys.

Outnumbered. When you’re outnumbered, it feels like going from one kid  to two kids is more like going to ten kids. That’s how it was for me honestly. This is not a scare tactic but let me state some truths here. You’ll be pulled in two different directions while trying to balance everything else in life. I’d be lying if I said it was easy peasy lemon squeezy. Some mothers do their jobs flawless and although I believe myself to be a very nurturing and caring mother…a little cool at times, I am very sloppy. I get overwhelmed and if you came over to my place, you’d see a chair full of not so dirty/not so clean clothes. Yes! Those clothes that are not dirty enough for laundry but clean enough to wear again.

Defeat. I often feel defeated trying to juggle everything together…the kids, and my own life, and goals that I am still working to achieve. No one said it was easy and I don’t expect an easy route but boy is it tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Children, whether it be one or more is a full time job and it’s one that needs to be done willfully and skillfully, sprinkled with love. I feel inadequate as a wife and stay at home mom when I see my tired husband cleaning our filthy living room. Some days I cry wishing I could do better to manage everything on my own.

In spite of everything us parents deal with on a daily basis, our love for our little brats go deeper and deeper. They’re our pride, our joy and our reason for waking up in the morning and doing what needs to be done. My second child taught me that parenting on a whole is very challenging, not that it wasn’t before but now there are two children with different personalities and needs. Some thing I’ve learned along the way is that we don’t always need to have everything planned and figured out. We’re learning as we go. Our job is to be the best we can be for them and trust me when I say that it’s enough.

xo Coffee Doll.

Have a great weekend guys! What are you doing this weekend?

I shop cheap for my kids: Here’s the why & where

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Not that I’m crapping on anyone’s parade but sometimes when I see wee little babies/kids wearing a high-end brand name shirt I inwardly cringe. Apart from them outgrowing clothes, they’re pretty much rough with it. My kids change clothes about four or five times a day. There’s always food stains, art stains and dirt marks from playing outside. Now I’m not against investing in a nice outfit for a picture or to go somewhere nice but my goodness! I cannot purchase expensive things for my children. Can you? I know every kid is different, some are tidier than some. My older one is on the careful side but she too runs her clothing and shoes into the ground.

All of our shoes are dirty. As much as I try to get them different shoes for playing/going out somewhere nice, it’ll end up the same…battered and filthy. Quality of clothing is definitely a concern when you want the longevity of an item. But children’s clothes are expensive as it is, cheaper quality or not. Personally I love to shop where I can sign up for e-mail coupons or buy one get one free.

I’d like to share some of the places that I shop at for basic, everyday clothing, mostly worn at the park or at home. I do get cute outfits at these stores as well.

Note: This is not a sponsored post.

  1. Target – Yes I am a Target mom and I love all things Target. They often have sales for children’s clothing/shoes and they have an app called Cartwheel which has additional coupons that you can scan at the checkout. Target has really inexpensive shirts and leggings for kids that they can run down at the park or at home.
  2. Carters – Although I feel like Carters could have a cuter variety, they do have a lot of sales and send coupons so it works out. Their clothing lasts a long time considering I wash my kids clothing a lot. They also have really cute and affordable footwear, great quality.
  3. H&M
  4. The Children’s Place – I’m not totally fond of the quality of the shirts at Children’s Place but they do have cuter items than a lot of other stores for children. They have very affordable dresses and accessories as well. I recently bought my kids jeans from here and the quality is nice. I especially loved the variety. I was able to get the super skinny jean here for my kids.(No it doesn’t fit them tight. Their legs are longer than girth)
  5. Old Navy – I don’t really shop at Old Navy for my kids but they are similar to Carters in the sense that they have a lot of sales.
  6. JC Penney, Sears, Kohls – The quality at these stores are on the better side, not to mention great quality brand name shoes like Nike, New Balance etc. If you shop smart, you can get items at great prices.

Those are the main stores that I shop at for my kids(and myself). To me it makes no sense to get my children’s entire wardrobe from high ends stores. Where do you shop for your kids? I’d love to hear!

xo Coffee Doll

How’s Spring Break 2017 going for you?

When I pictured Spring Break at the beginning of the year, I thought for sure I’d be able to do a few outings with the kids, leaving behind the immense loads of laundry that’s usually piled up. Well so far, we haven’t gone anywhere mind blowing(for the kids) but I’m holding out, we’re not even halfway past the week. My kids seem to be as happy as a clam with a few bottles of bubbles and sidewalk chalk in the backyard. It’s the little things that count, right?

With a husband that works a lot, I often get overwhelmed with taking care of the kids, the constant cleaning and trying to fit my own thing into life. Twenty four hours is simply never enough. As I write this, my house is a tad bit messy and my kids are chattering, screaming, fighting so much that I can’t even hear my own thoughts.

I’ve been squeezing in my own slice of heaven these last few days however. I’ve been wearing PJs until well in the afternoon, catching up on TV Shows(the walking dead’s finale was fantastic), reading a bit. I’ve taken a small break from writing as it is a job(FYI one without pay) and decided to just chillax and do nothing too strenuous. I’ll probably be back to work by the weekend because in my head, my stories never stop.

So how’s your Spring Break been going so far? Leave me a suggestion in the comments…I want to leave the house but I have no idea what to do.  The weather is beautiful outside, probably the most beautiful it’ll be before that summer humidity dawns upon us.

And…..most importantly, what are you reading this week?

xo Coffee Doll

 

Stereotyping Stay-At-Home Moms

At some point in time, do you fellow stay-at-home moms feel like there’s a stigma attached to solely taking care of your kids? From what I’ve experienced, there is. There are times that I find myself defending my decision to be a stay at home mother to people whose opinions shouldn’t even matter. I often have to reassure people that I’m not a sad woman in a sad situation and that I’m doing what’s best for my family. I internally cringe when I meet another adult and one of the first questions they ask is…are you working? I mean it happens so often especially at school. And the look of pity or disappointment on their faces at my response makes me want to run far, far away.

Most of our mothers and grandmothers were homemakers, so why does being a SAHM mother in this era such a condemned thing? Why is it equated with being uneducated and lacking in skills or productivity?

It was never my intention to be a SAHM when I was younger but when you start a family, things change, priority changes and the factors affecting your situation will mold how you handle your lifestyle. People’s behavior also changes toward you and around you. You’re treated as if you have nothing important to say, as if you’re limited in your knowledge and thinking.

From my observations, these are the most common misconceptions about stay-at-home mothers:-

  1. No education. People often associate being a SAHM with a lack of education, because clearly all we can do are domestic chores. Despite having gone to college prior to having children, people treat me as though I’ve never seen the inside of a college nor do I understand what’s happening there.
  2. Lowly status. Yes, I do feel looked down upon and talk down at because I’m not sitting in an office from nine to five. Somehow I’m less of a person and not really doing anything in life that matters.
  3. Welfare dependent. Automatically you’re considered to be milking tax payers money dry to live on welfare with your multiple kids.
  4. No knowledge of the workforce. Because you’ve been a SAHM for years, people think you haven’t worked a day in your life and you’ll never venture out to work again. There’s absolutely nothing you can do other than taking care of children and doing domestic chores.
  5. No skills. Well I’m a SAHM but writing is a skill, is it not? I’ve seen many SAHMs doing successfully with their online stores, blogs, whatever creative skills they have and many use it to make some extra income.
  6. Submissive or boring. It’s a common misconception when you see a mother wrapped up with only her family life to believe she doesn’t have more to her or want more for her life. We do have our own personalities and dreams and we don’t just submit to our lifestyle but being a SAHM is a full time job and it’s what comes first. When we can squeeze in the extra time, we’ll get other things done.

As a SAHM I’ve definitely had my share of disrespect, even at my kid’s preschool. People degrade you in their way of speaking, thinking you don’t know much and can’t convey much. At the end of the day we’re doing the most rewarding job although it may be overwhelming at regular intervals but it doesn’t take away from who we are as people. I myself used to believe all SAHMs know how to do is cook and clean until I became one…and let me tell you…I’m no chef in the kitchen. I’m screaming my head off, sighing and tired most of the time just like you.

XO

I was jealous of your Grandma

Yeah, I really was. I think I’ve gotten over it now but it still stings a little. So flashback to twenty years ago…

I never knew either of my four grandparents. They had passed on by the time I was born so unfortunately I never even got to see them. I’d always hear the kids at school talk about their grandparents or even my cousins with grandparents who weren’t mine, and I thought, “Wow, it must be cool having a Grandma or Grandpa.”

Despite not having a Grandma or a Grandpa, I could tell they were a bonus parent. The same way your relationship with your parents are special, it’s special with grandparents too. I could see kids being really attached to a grandparent and I often heard about their relationships with their grandparents. I even saw it as many grandparents flocked to the school yard to pick up their grandchildren. Grandparents meant a lot to them, it was definitely something special to have…and I envied it.

I really wanted a Grandma or a Grandpa to run to when life wasn’t being fair. An extra person to spoil me, someone to take my side when my parents were being parents. I felt a little sorry for myself, and I still do, a little. It’s one of the things I really miss having in life, a grandparent. I guess a lot of people might take it for granted because they do have it, but since I never did and saw how amazing it looked like from the outside, a little part of me really cried for it.

Recently I thought about it again, and I haven’t gotten over it. I asked my husband about his grandparents and he had no shortage of words for the love they’ve showered on him and for how much he adored his grandparents. I love asking my mother about her mother, it’s heart warming to hear about the way she was, the things she liked or didn’t like. If you still have a grandparent around, just be nice to them okay…give them some love from a blogger…from me to them. Just love them and care for them, be patient with them as they were patient with us.

xo Coffee Doll

Pros and Cons of Being A Stay-at-Home Mom

Motherhood is one of the most rewarding jobs you’ll ever have, however, like with any job, it can be overwhelming and downright frustrating. As I was writing how to be a productive SAHM, I made a mental list of the pros and cons of being a SAHM and felt like it deserved its own post. Some points play the role of both a pro and a con.

PROS

  1. The best thing about being a SAHM is getting to be with your kids all day, getting to witness everything that they do and learn on a daily basis.
  2. You’ll be present for all of their growing moments, first words, first steps,  and there is nothing greater than witnessing your child hit milestones for the first time.
  3. If your child falls sick, you’ll be there and not at work which may be hard to get out of.
  4. You can focus on a routine for your children and house, and get things done in an orderly manner compared to the stresses of working and coming home to tired and cranky children.
  5. You’re the sole caregiver for your child.
  6. It’s cheaper for most women to become stay-at-home moms as it is very costly for childcare and work hours are very demanding.
  7. You’re in control of how your activities and days are planned. You won’t have to worry about being called into work and having to organize a last minute babysitter.
  8. You get to teach your children and guide them in a way that you see fit and it’ll be consistent as kids can get confused with different rules.
  9. There’s no one looking over your shoulder telling you what to do or how to do it. You’re your own boss.

CONS

  1. You’re never alone. You can’t use the bathroom without an audience and sometimes you have to skip a shower and swallow your meals.
  2. You almost never get “me time” to do anything for yourself and if you’re like me, you don’t have girls night out either.
  3. Your job never ends. You’re working 24/7 and you’re exhausted most of the time.
  4. You tend to get bored and frustrated living the same routine day after day.
  5. When your social life ceases to exist after motherhood, it’s really awkward and difficult to make friends. You WILL miss engaging in social activities and having adult conversations that don’t involve kids.
  6. When they start fighting, misbehaving and talking back to you, you’ll want to rip your hair out. You’ll be stressed beyond belief.
  7. Living on one income is not an easy thing to manage and you may often feel like a failure, like your life is not reaching anywhere.
  8. It’s been almost five years since I’ve worked outside of my home and it literally feels like forever. I feel like the unemployment gap only worsens your chances of getting back out there, however I hope I’m wrong.

One suggestion that I always make in my SAHM posts is to get a hobby, whether it be joining a gym, writing, painting etc. When you have something to call your own, apart from your family life, it’s a way to cope when the going gets tough. I love to wind down by day by reading just before I sleep. It’s a relaxing way to calm your thoughts before bedtime. That’s just what works for me. If you have girlfriends, organize outings or activities that are not kid related. Even though both things are closely related, in order to be a happy mom, there needs to be a balance between caring for your family and caring for yourself.

xo Coffee Doll

Morning/Coffee Routine and Lack of Creativity

A lot of moms I know just roll out of bed, get their kids ready for school and they’re on their way. I just can’t start a single thought without a drop of coffee. Here’s how my morning goes…I wake up thirty minutes to an hour before I really need to wake up in order to have a cup of coffee. If I don’t, I won’t only be tired and cranky, I’ll be dysfunctional. My thoughts need to be collected before I wake the kids up. I am incompetent without coffee. That’s just the way it is, I can’t do anything about it at this point. I’m also diabetic and I’m not a breakfast person as soon as I wake up. I’m more of a brunch person so coffee holds me out until then without passing out.

So recently I’ve been feeling very incompetent about writing. I forgot about my natural born passion for storytelling and got engrossed with just producing any kind of content even the not so good kind. I mentioned before about kindle unlimited books that I found very unlikable getting great reviews and readers, and I felt like I should cut pieces of my stories and produce a quick read.

When I reread these rushed pieces, I not only disliked it but I disliked myself. I made myself nauseous. It’d be embarrassing to put such atrocities out into the world. But I also felt very inferior in my craft and I say my craft because it’s what I love to do, it’s what I truly want to do. Being a storyteller is my heart’s true desire. There I’ve said it.

In the last few days I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. I feel like I should really take a step back from rushed and disorganized writing, collect myself mentally then begin again, but with better planning next time.

Writing is not an easy task and because I’m struggling with it, I feel like maybe I’m not cut out for it. But I want to be cut out for it, I need to be cut out for it. So many characters exist in my head and their stories need to be told. I need to tell those stories like I need air. I’m not sure why I thought that successful authors write easily, that their creativity flows out of them with no effort. Great stories take years upon years to write so why do I sell myself short? The extensive research and planning that goes into a book is all part of it. After hearing about some authors’ journeys, I do feel inspired and motivated to continue reaching for the stars.

Creativity is not dead.

xo Coffee Doll

My “Brown Skin” Hospital Story

We live among more racist people than we’d like to believe and people are more racist than they let on.

I call these people silent racists.

Who are silent racists? I’ll detail my opinions in another post but the shorter version…well it’s people who appear to be accepting of all but they’re not really.

This story is not really racist story, it’s more of a racial profiling one.

So last year when I was just entering my third trimester, could’ve been between six or seven months pregnant, I had a bad tummy ache. The baby was moving strange inside of me and with every movement came excruciating pain. I thought I was going into labor. The pain was so intense I cried for two hours, then it hit me, this might be heartburn as the pain didn’t move to my lower abdomen.

I have really bad reflux and I have to stay away from a lot of foods, beautiful banana included. My body doesn’t process things the way it did a decade a go.(I’m almost 30)
I’m also diabetic so I don’t have a very unhealthy way of eating, lets put it like that.

So when my husband came home to stay with my older kid(2 years old at that time), I took an uber and went to the hospital. Being a pregnant woman, they sent me directly to labor and delivery emergency section. Up until this point I was still experiencing sharp pains.

So I got into their hospital gown, took vitals and told the doctor everything I needed to. I even took my diabetic medication and prenatal vitamins in the event they were causing something. I specifically told the doctor that I needed to see if all was okay with the baby and I mentioned my reflux problem. This doctor was a young doctor, part of someone’s team maybe and he was also brown.(just thought I’d insert that)

Nevertheless he wasn’t the “big” doctor. When she rolled in he told her everything, showed her my meds etc etc. From the time he mentioned the word reflux, she nodded and smiled then looked at me and asked me what I ate. So I answered noodles, which do have oil but it was one of the things that actually stayed down during my pregnancy. Being diabetic, I did NOT have a normal sized portion, just enough not to let my blood sugars drop.

So at that time she started nodding and telling me about the indian food that I eat. Without listening to what I was saying about my reflux problem and my diabetic problem, she went off on the spicy Indian food that I eat and the table cream we use in the food. I was racially profiled because of my brown skin. I was not born in India and my diet does not consist of anything Indian.

When I told her that I don’t eat Indian food, she looked at me and laughed in her non-American accent. “You’re Indian and you don’t eat Indian food? HA HA HA”
I missed the part where Indians can’t have a different diet other than their own and I also missed the part where this woman who appeared to be so informed about my life got her information from.

Just because I am brown, does not mean I was born in India and I continuously eat foods that make me end up in the hospital with reflux. And by the way, this wasn’t the first time that I ended up in the hospital with reflux. So my diagnosis was being brown and eating brown people food, no mention of a medication was made in my presence. I was given a consolation ultrasound because I insisted on knowing if all was well with the baby and then I was discharged.

When I asked the young doctor about what I should take for the refux, he didn’t know what to say really. I had to ask him if I should take what I usually take and he kinda went along with it.

And that folks was my brown skin hospital story.

Disclaimer: This is a part of storytime. It’s not meant to have a proper conclusion.

xo Kat